Today was absolutely the hardest day of our trip. It was our last day to visit the hospital and
we all knew going in today that it would be extremely hard to leave these kids
we’ve fallen in love with. The team was already dreading the goodbyes as
they’ve become so
attached to these kids. It’s encouraging to see how they’ve invested so much, but at the sametime it’s hard to help them walk through the pain of leaving.
All was going well at the hospital as the time was nearing for us to
leave. I was in the back room with the
abandoned babies loving on baby Grace who was finally falling asleep. Suddenly I hear from down the hallway someone
running and sobbing. I turn to literally
catch one of my girls as she falls into my arms completely distraught. Soon I find out what has just happened. A 3 year old girl named Trinity, who 2 of my
girls had become attached to, has just died. The girls had become friends with Trinity’s mom and each time we went to
the hospital they’d go check on Trinity and visit with her mother. Today they were all standing around Trinity’s
crib when this event that will forever impact these teenagers happened.
Trinity’s health had been failing for several days. She was HIV+ and her body was simply wearing
out. As they kept vigil at her crib, she
started struggling to breathe. Her
mother bolted out of the room to try to find a nurse. The girls remained at her side and
began praying fervently over her and encouraging her to hang on. They prayed and prayed, pleading for her life with all they
had. However, within a few seconds,
Trinity’s lungs took their last breath and her body went lifeless as they held
onto her. Within a few more minutes a
doctor and nurse arrived. They checked
her heart as a formality but everyone knew little Trinity had passed
away.
As the nurses wrapped Trinity’s body in a sheet, the reality of loosing her daughter
finally hit Trinity’s mom. She started
hyperventilating and soon could not stand. A few more of my students comfort her and pray over her as she
grieves.
All of this had happened down the hallway before I ever knew it. 
I entered into the room filled with chaos trying to make sense of it all. I saw
several of my students in this large room. They were holding this grieving mother, praying over her, giving her
water to drink. Other students were sitting with
other patients in the room. Some others were standing out in the hallway in a somber yet prayerful manner. My entire team was affected by this tragedy. There was such a
heaviness in this ward today.
As I stand there comforting the girls, my mind races with questions…now what? I don’t have a clue what to do. How do I carry my team through
this? Why wasn’t I able to protect them
from this? How do I help them process this? How do I process this?
It’s so heavy. I feel
the weight of the pain both myself and my team is feeling. Should I have even taken my team there? Yes, it was God’s desire for us to love His
children in the Mbabane
Government Hospital. Why is this so hard? I have 18 teenagers here that have rarely, if
ever, been remotely affected by death in their life…now they have to literally watch a
child die.
In the midst of all these questions, I hear God saying, “all
you can do is what you’ve been doing all along, depend fully on Me and carry
them into My presence.” We returned home
for lunch and canceled our afternoon ministry to take time to process and pray
as a team. We are broken. But amidst all the pain of today’s events,
God is still on His throne!
As I prayed and asked God what I should do with this time,all I heard was God telling us to simply worship Him in the midst of our pain,
in the midst of brokenness…and continue to proclaim who He is. We had a sweet time of worship and he brought
to mind several attributes of Himself. As I went
through these….God is loving, God is mighty to save, God is holy, God is our
Healer, God is just… I sensed that God was asking us to claim who he is, even
in the midst of all that has happened today. He’s asking, “Am I still loving? Am I still just? Am I still
mighty to save?” The answer is yes! He is still in control. He has
not left us. He has called us into this
hard place to draw closer to Him and His heart for His beloved children.
it’s not the first time I’ve heard the story and yet every single time it brings me to tears. This is reality in Africa until God intervenes… and yet it’s so painful. Thank you for sharing with all of us…
Yes He is. Some time I should tell you about Musi in that same hospital in 2005. I still don’t understand God sometimes. But everything you said about him is true indeed.
This reminds me of my 1st mission trip to Africa. We went to Uganda and worked in an orphanage. Same thing happened to us. I think of a quote someone shared with me… “we are called believers not understanders”. It is in the midst of believing, not always understanding, that we learn to trust and love our God all the more. Your faith inspires me!! Be blessed!