These past two weeks I've had the incredible opportunity to see and experience God working in the lives of the FYM team and their leaders in Mexico.  It's just a glimpse of the mighty things He's doing. I thoroughly enjoyed walking alongside the team on this journey we're all on.  As I reflect on my time in Mexico, my mind is flooded with great memories.  I've tried here to list a sampling of the highlights. Getting to know their hearts. Seeing them engaged in ministry - loving God and loving His people. Experiencing the ups and downs of community living with 10 other people. Sharing stories from past experiences and listening to their stories recounted from their past 9 months together. Laughing with them over silly things. Listening to their heartbeat as they shared with me what God is doing in them. Standing with them in prayer knowing that God hears and responds. Growing with them and trusting that God redeems all situations.

I see spiritual growth and great potential. I see transformed lives. I see the Father beaming in pride for His children. I see brokenness and the Lord's hand in bringing healing. I see vulnerability and a family that has developed out of a group of strangers. I hear their hearts. Their heartbeats are becoming closer to the rhythm of the Father's heartbeat each day. They are forever changed as are the people they have encountered and loved.

What an honor its been to see just a glimpse of what God is doing. During each leg of the journey, He continues to show me little glimpses. These glimpses are shaping how I see God, how I see myself, and how I see the world around me. These small glimpses are painting a beautiful canvas.

A good friend of mine recently sent me a book called "To Baghdad and Beyond" by Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove.  As I finished this book, a paragraph on one of the last pages caught my eye.  I read and reread it and decided that this sums up my feelings towards my time in Mexico and the many other opportunities God is laying out before me to experience more of Him in the world around me.

The excerpt reads:
"I recognize that my experiences fit into a master plan of which I am only one small part. The vision I have is limited, and even what I see is not a dream that belongs to me. It is, I hope, a faithful witness to the work that God is doing in the world."

Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit a local hospital with 3 of the FYMs here in Mexico. These gals have been visiting this hospital twice a week for the past 8 months and have had some incredible experiences. I was blessed by their love for the patients here. Many times they only see a person one time then find them released by the time they return, but this does not deter them from pouring into them the love of the Father.

In the parking lot, we donned our white coats and prayed before entering the hospital. Apparently the white coat is an all-access pass into the hospital wards. Many times the patients mistake the girls for doctors and that usually produces a humorous situation. Our first stop was the pediatrics ward.

Here we met Cilia who was staying with her 11 month old granddaughter named Ana Karen. Ana Karen is very sick, but the doctors don't know why yet. Cilia told us that her stomach started swelling up and before long she wasn't playing, crawling, or eating. We could see her inflamed torso under the small sheet covering her. She was hooked up to IV meds and also had a tube in her nose to drain out excess fluids. She was asleep most of the time we were there visiting with Cilia, but woke up towards the end of our visit. It was evident that she was ill as she lethargically laid there. It seemed that even to cry was a huge strain on her tiny body.

We had a good visit with Cilia and she shared with us things about her life…where she lived and information about her colonia (slum neighborhood) and her family. After sitting for hours in a hospital room, she seemed eager to talk to anyone. She told us how bored she had been, and with her unable to read it's been hard for her to find something to pass the time. We learned that Ana Karen's mom is a 15 year old single mom, and if I were to guess, I would say Cilia could only be 32 or 33 years old herself. Cilia stood there and stroked Ana Karen's head as she cried faintly. You could see the helplessness & worry on Cilia's face for her loved granddaughter. We visited for awhile then decided to pray for Ana Karen and Cilia before we went. As we prayed tears ran down Cilia's face and when we asked how we could specifically pray for her, Cilia had no requests…only that Ana Karen would get better. Our hearts broke as we cried out to the Father to heal this small child. We trust Him with this precious life and pray that He brings healing to Ana Karen and hope to her family.

We stopped in a few more rooms on the pediatrics ward then visited the surgery ward. We then stopped by to see a friend who had just delivered her son 2 days prior. The girls were really grateful to have the opportunity to meet baby Brandon and speak briefly with his mother, Clara.

It was a great afternoon where God gave us the opportunity to love, encourage, pray over, and speak life to people whom are so in need of the His touch.

The words "pour your heart out" keep coming to mind.  As I ponder this, I'm finding it hard to define exactly what that means here. What does this look like? How do I pour my heart out to a kid I spend an hour with at a Bible study, a kid who I cannot speak his language, a kid I'll most likely never see again. How do I pour my heart out to these FYMs? 8 students that I'll spend 14 days with then might never encounter them again. How do I pour my heart out to these 2 leaders that I've grown to know over the past year?

Should the measure to which I invest and pour myself out differ depending on who I'm interacting with?

I need discernment to know how to serve & what the needs are of those around me. More so, I need wisdom to know how I can help them take those needs to the feet of Jesus, for He fulfills each and every longing that we have. My prayer is that God would continue to use me as a listening ear & sounding board as people verbally process, an encouragement to those in need, and a speaker of truth & life to all I encounter.

So what does "pour your heart out" really mean? I'm probably over thinking this…that's what generally happens when physical exhaustion sets in at such a late hour. But I trust that the Jesus in me is enough. If Jesus is in my heart and fills my spirit, then when I "pour my heart out," I pour Jesus out. I am grateful that He chooses to flow out of me to minister to those around me. May those I encounter never see me or what I can offer…may they only see Jesus pouring out of me.

Lord, I pray for an increase of your Spirit in me. As you teach me how to constantly pour my heart out, would you constantly replenish my spirit with more of You.

The Lord has brought me to Ephesians 1 lately. I find myself camping out here and drinking up each word. Some days the Lord puts just one verse on my heart and all day I can't get it out of my mind. Yesterday it was Ephesians 1:17. Today I'm feasting on verse 18. "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you…"

What do the eyes of my heart look like? What do they see that my physical eyes cannot see? What transformation occurs when the "eyes of my heart are enlightened?"

Perhaps I use the eyes of my heart when I see Jesus in others. It's not my human nature to see good in others. So when I do, perhaps I'm seeing with a different set of eyes. When else do I use the eyes of my heart? When I see someone hurting and it actually affects me? When I'm able to discern a situation that otherwise I wouldn't have a clue about? When I choose to love, even knowing the necessary sacrifice and pain that will come.

It's easy to close the eyes of my heart. I believe that we can easily do that on our own. But can we open the eyes of our heart with just as little effort as it took to close them? Can we enlighten our hearts on our own? If we think we can, this leads to us striving and "doing" for the Lord…trying to make things happen on our own. We need the Father to come and open the eyes of our heart, to enlighten them to things unseen. From time to time, they get matted and he has to apply a warm cloth so they will open. They can easily get infected. We must protect the eyes of our heart just like we protect our physical eyes - more so perhaps.

As I reflect on this truth and chew on it a bit, this is my prayer: Lord, enlighten the eyes of my heart. Bring revelation into places lacking. May I see the darkness penetrated with light. As my heart's eyes are enlightened, allow me to see more clearly what You are doing.

The result of enlightened heart eyes is mentioned there in Ephesians 1:18, "so that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe." Who doesn't want that?!

Enlighten my heart's eyes, Lord.

Yesterday afternoon I had the opportunity to visit the local prison with Timi and Jill, 2 of the FYMs who go there 3 times a week for ministry.

After getting information of what to wear & what not to wear, I grabbed my license and my Bible and set out for this new experience. On the journey to the prison the girls told me somewhat what to expect upon our arrival. However, I was still surprised by what I found.

Upon entering, we were signed in and given yellow cards. Our license was taken from us and our arms were stamped (that's what that is in the pic in case you were wondering) before we entered into the 5ftX5ft search room. However, instead of being searched we ended up talking to the officer in this room for a good 15 minutes. The girls have made friends with this woman and have started building a relationship with her. She told us what she'd been up to lately and showed us her newest creation of cross stitch work. After a bit, we walked through another several gates showing our yellow cards and stamped arms before entering into a large concrete yard area separating the men's side from the women's. 4 more gates and we were officially in the women's side of the prison.

I was amazed at what I saw there. There was the typical razor wire lined 30 foot concrete wall surrounding the entire grounds. Armed guards stood watch on the walls. However inside the walls was a nice grassy area with trees and picnic tables, a chapel, a garden, a volleyball court, and even a small "restaurant" where inmates could buy snacks. We entered next to the cells. Each cell opened out to an open air corridor where there was areas for the community kitchen and community washing station. The women here are allowed to keep their children in the prison with them until the age of 5, so there were small kids running around everywhere. The women are allowed visitors from time to time and even male inmates from the other side are allowed to visit. Even though this is the women's side, there were many men around. The inmates do not wear uniforms so you never know who is a visitor and who is an inmate. Visitors bring the inmates things like radios, tvs, mini refrigerators, & food. As we walked down the outside corridor, each cell door was open and people were visiting with friends, feeding babies, pushing them around in strollers, cooking meals, watching TV, and various other things to pass the time. There were many distinct noises in this place. The sound of various radio stations blaring from individual cells, the sound of crying babies, and in the distance some people could be heard singing worship songs from the chapel. The smells of cigarette smoke, fresh cut grass, and something frying in the corner kitchen area filled the air.

The 3 of us visited several friends the girls have made here over the past 8 months. It was great to see the relationships that Timi and Jill have built with these women. The young women love to have company and seem to respond well to the girls, as they are their peers. I met Mari who is in her 20s and has a 6 month old little girl with her. We played with her baby a bit and caught up on the latest news from her life. We also visited with Pancha who has a fun personality and likes to joke around with Timi and Rosy who is quiet. I also met Martha who is eager to share what she's learning from the Bible. After an hour or so of visiting, we moved out to the picnic table to do a Bible study. It was a great time of fellowship and digging into the Word where the women engaged with questions and comments. We passed back through the cells telling the women bye before we went through the process of checking out.

It was a great new experience and I'm encouraged to see yet another way that the Lord is working in mighty ways here in Matamoros.

I was asked recently, what's the current status of your heart?  And my response even surprised me.  I answered "it's needy." The word needy usually provokes negative emotions in me. After all, who wants to be needy?! I'm in a situation here where I'm completely dependent upon the Lord because I haven't a clue what I'm doing. Perhaps I'm here to pour into people, love on them, encourage them, build them up, speak life, and help the leaders in any way I can as they carry the weight of the many responsibilities of running an FYM team. My prayer is that the Lord will bring rest and restoration to the leaders here and give them fuel to finish strong. But the truth is that I don't know how to do any of these things…and I know from experience what it looks like when I try to do it in my own strength.

So back to having a needy heart. The past 3 mornings, I've found myself praying this prayer, "Lord, I come to you in need of my portion for today. I need your strength, you love, your wisdom, your discernment, and your words. I don't have it in me to do this." And lo and behold, each day, I'm discovering that He is enough. It seems like such a simple thing, but we somehow complicate it. God says, "Just ask me." So even at the cost of feeling completely needy…I continue to ask God each day to supply what I need. He knows better than I do what my needs are. He is my Portion.

This needy heart is learning again to lean into Him. He continues to bring me to this place of complete dependence…it's like He's trying to teach me something.  :)

This morning I went out with the team to a colonia called Las Granjas. Here we worked on a home for Clara & her family. We mixed concrete and poured the floor today. It brought back great memories of my previous trips to Mexico with my youth group. Making "volcanoes" on the ground and mixing the concrete by hand. Pushing wheelbarrows upon wheelbarrows sloshing full of concrete. Great messy fun!

The team worked all last week to build this house from the ground up and it's great to have it one more step towards completion. They were also able to give Clara some solar lights for her home, as there is no electricity there. She was very excited about the lights. Tomorrow the windows will go in and that should complete the home.

After the work was done today, we had a great time playing with the neighborhood kids. I made 2 friends named Nancy, age 11 and Eilene, age 10. Eilene (pictured here) has lots to talk about, only about 10% of which I can understand…but that doesn't seem to bother her. Nancy apparently thinks it's very funny to watch me make tortillas as she giggled the entire time.

Clara made us a feast for lunch consisting of homemade flour tortillas, refried beans, and an egg/potato mixture. Several of us helped rolling out the tortillas…perhaps we were more of a hindrance than a help, but Clara seemed entertained by us. She talked a few of the team members into eating these tiny peppers that were apparently pretty kickin. That was so funny that kids came from all around to watch the gringos eat the hot peppers.  :)

I've had a great time with the team and leaders so far. It's fun getting to know the team and reconnecting with the 2 leaders. I look forward to many more fun days with everyone here.

Thanks for all your prayers and comments here. You are all such an encouragement to me!
Adios until next time!

I was planning on posting more pictures here, but the internet connection is making it difficult.  Check back later for more pics.  We'll hope for a better connection another day.

God continues to place new opportunities in front of me as I daily seek to follow Him and pursue His heart. He is faithful to open doors for me to walk through and guides each step of this incredible journey.

I wanted to send you guys a quick update before I race off to the next adventure. I've been asked to travel to Mexico for the next 2 weeks. I'll be leaving at 5am in the morning to fly down there and will return on May 4^th. I'm going down to our AIM base to love and serve the leaders and team. I have the incredible opportunity to simply love on them, encourage them, and build into them. My prayer is that the leaders will get some much needed rest and that God will completely refresh and restore them as they continue to pour themselves out to this team. I'm looking forward to this opportunity to see what God is doing in Mexico.

I don't really know who this guy is, but I thought it was a funny picture.  I hope to meet him while in Mexico...he looks like a lot of fun! ha. 

Please cover me in prayer as I travel. Pray for wisdom, discernment, and good health. And that I may continue to grow more deeply in love with my Father as I pursue His heart and as He pursues mine.

Thank you guys for all the love, support, and encouragement. I should have internet access periodically while I'm in Mexico, so I'll do my best to keep this blog updated.

God has been teaching me a ton about community lately.  More specifically, His idea of community.  As I continue to seek His heart, I'm stretched.  I'm daily reminded of His goodness and provision as I look around at this community He has surrounded me with.  We are simply living life together.  It's fun, it's hard, it's vulnerable, it's stretching, it's life giving.  Something tells me that the lessons God is teaching us and the eternal impact of this is much bigger than it seems.

Recently, a friend shared an article by John Eldridge with me.  The topic of discussion was community.  I've taken a few excerpts from it to include here, and I'm chewing on these words... 

Living in community is like camping together. For a month. In the desert. Without tents. All your stuff is scattered out there for everyone to see. C'mon-anybody can look captured for Christ an hour a week at church, from a distance, in his Sunday best. But your life is open to those you live in community with.

How do we get one's attention? If you're in a crowd of people and you need the attention of a specific person, you may call out their name loudly. Various noises get our attention quickly…sirens go off, they get out attention and tell us that there's an emergency. In school, bells ring to get our attention, telling us to go to class. We have all kinds of fun ring tones to get our attention when someone is calling us on our cell phones. My point is that noise gets our attention.

Not unlike you all, I daily find myself surrounded by all types of noise. After all, our world is a noisy place! It's a busy time here at Adventures In Missions. Our summer season full of training camps has begun. This week we had 2 camps overlapping. There's a constant flood of hundreds of people in and out of the base here. They gather to prepare, to be equipped and empowered, and to be sent out. It's busy, it's fun, it's exhausting, it's invigorating, and it's hectic at times.

Today was the first day in weeks that I've had absolutely nothing planned. This is a true Sabbath. This afternoon, I spent some time out on my balcony reading, spending time with the Lord and just being still. It's a cool spring day. The birds are chirping, the trees are in full bloom, and the squirrels are playing in the trees. It was refreshing to simply "be" in the stillness.

In the quiet of today, I sensed the Lord calling out to me. He's calling me to spend the day with Him…to intentionally "be" in His presence. I'm reminded of who He is and who I am in Him. I'm reminded of all that He's been teaching me in this season - a season of growth and learning. I'm reminded of all the good gifts He's given me - He loves to give his children good gifts. My heart is encouraged and empowered for what's to come. It's here I gain my strength.

How clever of the Lord…to use the quietness, not the noise, to catch my attention. That's just like him to switch my paradigm. Today, the absence of noise catches my attention more than the whirlwind of noise that has been surrounding me. Thank you Lord for using the quietness to catch my attention…for speaking to my heart. For the rest I find in You.

As refreshing as it is to stop and rest in God's presence, it's a wonder I don't do this more often.